FOOTBALL NONSENSE
“Goals dictate how matches go.”
Paul Merson
“The new season will be all about scoring more goals than the opposition.”
Alvin Martin
“A win would be better than a draw.”
Denis Law
“The best thing for them to do (Ireland) is to stay at 0-0 until they score the goal.”
Martin O’Neill
“We (England) haven’t been scoring goals, but football’s not just about scoring goals. It’s about winning.”
Alan Shearer
“If Villa got another goal now it would change the scoreline completely.”
Tony Cottee
“We can beat anyone on our day – so long as we score.”
Alex Totten
“I think if they hadn’t scored, we might have got a better result.”
Howard Wilkinson
“Winning all the time is not necessarily good.”
John Toshack
“Most goals are scored between the posts.”
Jamie Redknapp
“I don’t blame individuals, I blame myself.”
Joe Royle
“I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league.”
Mark Viduka
“The important thing is that he shook hands with us over the phone.”
Alan Ball
“Eighty per cent of teams who score first in matches go on to win them. But they may draw some – or occasionally lose.”
David Pleat
“Batistuta gets most of his goals with the ball”
Ian St John
“I can never predict my future because a big part of my future is already behind me.”
Guus Hiddink
“Bobby Gould thinks I’m trying to stab him in the back. In fact I’m right behind him.”
Stuart Pearson
“We actually got the winner three minutes from the end but then they equalized.”
Ian McNail
“I was disappointed to leave Spurs, but quite pleased that I did.”
Steve Perryman
“I’m as happy as I can be – but I have been happier.”
Ugo Ehiogu
“If you’re going to win the Premier League, you’re going to have to finish ahead of Chelsea and Manchester City.”
Graeme Souness
“And Arsenal now have plenty of time to dictate the last few seconds.”
Peter Jones
“That’s football, Mike, Northern Ireland have had several chances and haven’t scored but England have had no chances and scored twice.”
Trevor Brooking
“If you’re 0-0 down, there’s no one better to get you back on terms than Ian Wright.”
Robbie Earle
“We didn’t look like scoring, although we looked like we were going to get a goal.”
Alan Buckley
“Merseyside derbies usually last 90 minutes and I’m sure today’s won’t be any different.”
Trevor Brooking
“If there wasn’t such a thing as football we’d all be frustrated footballers.”
Mick Lyons
“Javier Chevanton don’t speak the language too good.”
Kevin Bond
“I’m not going to make it a target, but it’s something to aim for.”
Steve Coppell
“In football, if you don’t score a goal then you cannot win.”
Roberto Mancini
“As a striker, you are either in a purple patch or struggling. At the moment, I’m somewhere in between.”
Bob Taylor
“If you closed your eyes you couldn’t tell the difference between the two sides.”
Phil Brown
“I’ve only played for Watford, so I’m a one-man club.”
Lloyd Doyley
“You have got to miss them to score sometimes.”
Dave Bassett
“The more you lose, the more you don’t win.”
Alex McLeish
“He’d score more goals if he was a better finisher.”
Dion Dublin
“A game is not won until it is lost.”
David Pleat
“We were in an awkward position against Yugoslavia in that in order to win we needed to score more goals than they did.”
Jose Antonio Camacho
“No matter who our opponents are, or who we are playing against, we want to win the game.”
David Beckham
“I’m a firm believer that if the other side scores first, you have to score twice to win.”
Howard Wilkinson
“We lost because we didn’t win.”
Ronaldo
RON ATKINSON
“Woodcock would have scored but his shot was too perfect.”
“I would not say he (David Ginola) is the best left-winger in the Premiership, but there are none better.”
“He must be lightning slow.”
“It’s not as good as Adams’ challenge, but it’s on a par.”
“That’s not the type of header you want to see your defender make, with his hand.”
“I never comment on referees and I’m not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat.”
“You half fancied that to go in as it was rising and dipping at the same time.”
“You can see the ball go past them, or the man, but you’ll never see both man and ball go past at the same time. So if the ball goes past, the man won’t, or if the man goes past, they’ll take the ball.”
“Liverpool will think ‘we could have won this 2-2′”
“Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw”
“I would also think that the action replay showed it to be worse than it actually was.”
“I’m going to make a prediction – it could go either way.”
“Goals change games.”
“I think that was a moment of cool panic there.”
“Now Manchester United are 2-1 down on aggregate, they are in a better position than when they started the game at 1-1.”
“He dribbles a lot and the opposition don’t like it – you can see it all over their faces”
“Beckenbauer has really gambled all his eggs.”
“They’ve picked their heads up off the ground, and they now have a lot to carry on their shoulders.”
“Think of a number between 10 and 11.”
KEVIN KEEGAN
Kevin Keegan was a great player for various clubs, he also managed many teams and was a pundit. This means he had many opportunities to give us some class quotes. Here are a variety for your pleasure
‘I want more from David Beckham. I want him to improve on perfection.’
“He can’t talk Turkey, but you can tell he’s delighted.”
“Goalkeepers aren’t born today until they’re in their late twenties or thirties.”
“The ref was vertically 15 yards away.”
“The tide is very much in our court now.”
“Argentina are the second best team in the world and there is no higher praise that that.”
“At this level, if five or six players don’t turn up, you’ll get beat.”
“I know what is around the corner – I just don’t know where the corner is. But the onus is on us to perform and we must control the bandwagon.”
“The substitute is about to come on – he’s a player who was left out of the starting line-up today.”
“England have the best fans in the world and Scotland’s fans are second-to-none.”
“I’d love to be a mole on the wall in the Liverpool dressing room at half-time.”
“The good news for Nigeria is that they’re two-nil down very early in the game.”
“One of his strengths is not heading.”
“People will say that was typical City, which really annoys me. But that’s typical City I suppose.”
“Our current financial situation means that if we want to buy, we have to spend.”
“I came to Nantes two years ago and it’s much the same today, except that it’s completely different”
“I’ll never play at Wembley again, unless I play at Wembley again.”
“What disappointed me was that we didn’t play with any passion. I’m not disappointed, you know, I’m just disappointed.”
“We deserved to win this game after hammering them 0-0 in the first half.”
“The 33 or 34-year-olds will be 36 or 37 by the time the next World Cup comes around, if they’re not careful.”
“We managed to wrong a few rights.”
“You get bunches of players like you do bananas, though that is a bad comparison.”
“Not many teams will come to Arsenal and get anything, home or away.”
“You can’t do better than go away from home and get a draw.”
“They compare Steve McManaman to Steve Heighway and he’s nothing like him, but I can see why – it’s because he’s a bit different.”
“That decision, for me, was almost certainly definitely wrong.”
“There’s a slight doubt about only one player, and that’s Tony Adams, who definitely won’t be playing tomorrow.”
“I’ve had an interest in racing all my life, or longer really.”
“I’m not trying to make excuses for David Seaman but I think the lights may have been a problem.”
“That would have been a goal if it wasn’t saved.”
“Football is always easier when you’ve got the ball.”
“Nicolas Anelka left Arsenal for £23million and they built a training ground on him.”
“If I had a blank piece of paper there’d be five names on it.”
“Picking the team isn’t difficult, it’s who to leave out.”
“The game has gone rather scrappy as both sides realise they could win this match or lose it.”
“Luis Figo is totally different to David Beckham, and vice versa.”
“Gary always weighed up his options, especially when he had no choice.”
“In some ways, cramp is worse than having a broken leg.”
“I don’t think there’s anyone bigger or smaller than Maradona.”
“My father was a miner and he worked down a mine.”
“It was still moving when it hit the back of the net.”
MICHAEL OWEN
Lets look at some memorable quotes from Michael Owen, a deadly striker on the pitch and pretty deadly off it by the looks of these beauts.
You can’t beat a good ‘pulled off’ quote, so lets start with a double entendre
“Anichebe is just pulling off Jones, which is what I would do if I was him.”
“When they don’t score they hardly ever win.”
“He’s elbowed him in the head, but there’s nothing in it for me.”
“Jelavic would have scored that if he wasn’t offside.”
“It’s a good run, but it’s a poor run, if you know what I mean?”
“What a feeling it is to be a manager and bring someone on.”
“City will come out with a fresh set of impetus.”
“You can’t really grumble at the red card but it’s very harsh.”
“It’s definitely hit Defoe’s hand as it’s gone in, but it’s not a handball for me.”
“That’s simple as…simple.”
“Whichever teams scores more goals usually wins.”
“To stay in the game, you have to stay in the game.”
“Blackburn have got two strikers on and they’re both playing up front.”
“You need people who score goals. That’s how you win games.”
“I love these players with two feet.”
“It’s hit the facial part of his head.”
“That would have been a goal had it gone inside the post.”
“When the ball is that still, it’s wobbling in the air.”
“You’re on your own out there with ten mates.”
“You have to believe your own eyes, don’t you?”
“When the ball is that still, it’s wobbling in the air.”
BOBBY ROBSON
The great Bobby Robson, a long career as a manager and a few pieces of quote gold.
“We didn’t underestimate them – they were just a lot better than we thought.”
“We don’t want our players to be monks. We want them to be better football players because a monk doesn’t play football at this level.”
“They can’t change any of their players, but they can change one of their players, and he’s the coach.”
“We got nine and you can’t score more than that.”
“Football’s like a big market place and people go to the market every day to buy their vegetables.”
“Don’t ask me what a typical Brazilian is because I don’t know what a typical Brazilian is. But Romario was a typical Brazilian.”
“I’m not going to look beyond the semi-final, but I would love to lead Newcastle out in the final.”
“What can I say about Peter Shilton? Peter Shilton is Peter Shilton, and he has been Peter Shilton since the year dot.”
“We’re flying on Concorde. That’ll shorten the distance. That’s self-explanatory.”
“If you don’t score you are not going to win a match.”
“The first 90 minutes of the match are the most important.”
“There will be a game where somebody scores more than Brazil and that might be the game that they lose.”
“We can’t replace Gary Speed – where do you get an experienced player like him with a left foot and a head?”
“He’s very fast and if he gets a yard ahead of himself nobody will catch him.”
“When Gazza was dribbling he used to go through a minefield with his arm, a bit like you go through a supermarket.”
“He never fails to hit the target, but that was a miss.”
“If you count your chickens before they have hatched, they won’t lay an egg in the basket.”
“Yeading was a potential banana blip for Newcastle.”
“It wasn’t going to be our day on the night.”
“Alan Shearer has done very well for us, considering his age. We have introduced some movement into his game because he has got two good legs now. Last season he played with one leg.”
“Jermaine Jenas is a fit lad. He gets from box to box in all of 90 minutes.”
“I’d say he’s the best in Europe, if you put me on the fence.”
“Gary Speed has never played better, never looked fitter, never been older.”
“Maybe not goodbye, but farewell.”
“We haven’t scored which means you haven’t got a chance of winning.”
“We had ten times as many shots on target as Bolton – and they had none at all.”
“Paolo di Canio is capable of scoring the goal he scored.”
“I would have given my right arm to be a pianist.”
AT THE END OF THE DAY
“He’s one of the greatest players in the world, if not one of the greatest anywhere.”
Sky Andrew
“I never make forecasts but whoever wins that game will win the final.”
Ken Bates
“I didn’t say them things that I said.”
Glenn Hoddle
“Football’s not like an electric light – you can’t just flick the button and change from slow to quick.”
John Greig
“The Champions League semi-final is over two legs, so it will be a one-off affair.”
Graham Beecroft
“With Harry, two plus two always makes five, not three.”
Milan Mandaric
“Aston Villa are seventh in the league. That’s almost as high as you can get without being one of the top six.”
Ian Payne
“Ireland will give 99% – everything they’ve got.”
Mark Lawrenson
“One accusation you can’t throw at me is that I’ve always done my best.”
Alan Shearer
“The unthinkable is not something we are thinking about at the moment.”
Peter Kenyon
“A tremendous strike which hit the defender full on the arm – and it nearly came off.”
Kevin Keegan
“I’d settle for a 1-0 draw.”
David Gold
“Every single player on the pitch is now in the Birmingham box, apart from two of them.”
Paul Merson
“I promise results, not promises.”
John Bond
“Ozil could find the needle in a haystack with his sense of smell.”
Ray Hudson
“You don’t score 64 goals in 86 games at the highest level without being able to score goals.”
ALAN GREEN
“You’ve got to believe that you’re going to win, and I believe we’ll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we’re knocked out.”
Peter Shilton
“He’s pulling him off! The Spanish manager is pulling his captain off!”
George Hamilton
“I’ve always said there’s a place for the press, but they haven’t dug it yet”
Tommy Docherty.
“The only mates he had in all his time at Liverpool were straight out of the vending machine”
Tommy Smith on Emlyn Hughes
“A million wouldn’t buy him, and I’d be one of them.”
Bill Shankley
“The symbol of peace…the pigeon!”
Jimmy Magee
“I used to go missing a lot – Miss Canada, Miss United Kingdom, Miss Germany…”
George Best.
“In terms of the Richter Scale this defeat was a force eight gale.”
John Lyall
The crowd think that Todd handled the ball…. they must have seen something that nobody else did”
Barry Davies
“….and the news from Guadalajara where the temperature is 96 degrees, is that Falcao is warming up.”
Brian Moore
“Johnston has revelled in the hole behind Dwight Yorke”
Carling FA Premiership website
“Mark Hughes at his very best, he loves to feel people right behind him”
Kevin Keegan
“Tell the Kraut to get his ass up front. We don’t pay a million for a guy to hang around in defense”
New York Cosmos executive, on Beckenbauer’s positioning.
“I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered”
George Best
“That’s great, tell him he’s Pele and get him back on”
John Lambie, when told a concussed striker did not know who he was.
“Fulham Football Club seeks a Manager / Genius”
Newspaper ad, 1991
“Ardiles strokes the ball like it was part of his anatomy”
Jimmy Magee, RTE WC commentator
“We’ll still be happy to lose, it’s on at the same time as the Beer Festival”
Niall O’Mahoney, Cork City Manager before a UEFA game with Bayern Munich.
“There’s the African defender doing the spadework for his team-mates.”
John Motson
