This article has a collection of what we think are some of the funniest name for football teams
Lets get started
Deportivo Morón – Argentina
an Argentine sports club located in the city of Morón, Buenos Aires. Deportivo Morón’s football team currently plays in the second division of the Argentine football league system.
A club with many fans around the world – well what i have seen on social media
Dandy Town Hornets F.C. – Bermuda
a professional football club based in Bermuda. Team colours are brown and gold.
Deportivo Wanka – Peru
One to make the Brits have a laugh here.
a Peruvian football club, based in the city of Huancayo in the Peruvian Andes. the club is named after the Wankas people who formerly inhabited the area
Accra Hearts of Oak S.C. – Ghana
Accra Hearts of Oak Sporting Club, commonly referred to as Hearts of Oak plays in Ghana
the club is the oldest surviving football club in Ghana and its traditional colours are red, yellow and blue
They play home matches at the Accra Sports Stadium which holds an estimated 40,000 seats
Unlike some of the other teams they have won their countries league and cup several times
The Strongest – Bolivia
The club is the oldest active football club in Bolivia and the only team to have played continuously in the country’s top division for longer than a century.
They have a home stadium which holds 15000 but play at Bolivia’s national ground which can hold 42,000
Their team colours are yellow and black and they have won their national title 15 times
Eritrea Shoe Factory – Ethiopia
They don’t even play in Eritrea but are ethiopian, which must add to the complexity.
Semen Padang – Indonesia
an Indonesian professional football club, based in Indarung, Padang, West Sumatra. They currently compete in Liga 2.
Owned by PT Semen Padang a state-owned company that makes cement
Joe Public FC – Trinidad and Tobago
In 2011, Joe Public withdraw from TT proleague due to issues arising from owner Jack warner
In 2014, the club withdrew from Super League due to financial reasons
Fotballaget Fart – norway
a Norwegian football club based in Vang outside Hamar. Their home matches are played at Fartbana
The club is most noted for their women’s team
Miscellaneous Sporting Club – Botswana
You know how you joke, ah,misc or miscellaneous. This team are called that.
Miscellaneous is also known as Tsenala (the red and white), Mmamonotwane, the official nicknames of the club.
Sankoyo Bush Bucks – Botswana
Yep, Botswana again
Their colours are green and white. Their nickname is “Ngurungu”, the local name for a bushbuck.
Extension Gunners – Botswana
a football club based in Lobatse, Botswana. Play in black and white
Insurance Management Bears FC – Barbados
Actually just called Bears FC but the full name has a slightly more amusing ring to it.
a football club based in Nassau, Bahamas. Bears FC plays in BFA Senior League in Bahamas. Their logo – a bear.
Thailand Tobacco Monopoly – Thailand
Well at least the sponsor is fairly obvious
a Thai football club originally based in Bangkok. The club was dissolved in 2015.
Customs United Football Club – Thailand
A football club owned by the Customs Department based in Samut Prakan Province, which is different
The club dropped the ‘Samut Prakan’ tag and were known as Customs United for the beginning of the 2012 season.
Nyasa Big Bullets – Malawi
A football club based in Blantyre, currently playing in the top division of Malawian football.
The club was formerly known as Bata Bullets, Total Big Bullets and Bakili Bullets. All would have made this list to be honest
Bo Rangers – Sierra Leone
This team must be stinking.
Actually they are a Sierra Leonean professional football club based in the country’s second largest city of Bo
Robin Hood – Barbados
Nothing to do with the famous outlaw from English folklore and nothing to do with Nottingham. Actually the pub they were formed in – must have been a good one.
They are a football club based in Pembroke Parish, Bermuda, that competes in the Bermudian Premier Division.
Botswana
Prisons XI, Police XI
Sierra Leone – some crackers here
Anti Drugs Strikers, Mighty Blackpool, Old Edwardians
Others – honourable mentions
Eleven Men in Flight is a Eswatini soccer club based in Siteki.
SFC Slutsk is a Belarusian association football club based in Slutsk.
Botswana Meat Commission F.C. are now called Gilport Lions F.C.
Futebol Clube de Cuntum is a Guinea-Bissauan football club
Chicken Inn is a Zimbabwean football club based in Bulawayo. Nickname – The Gamecocks.
Cape Coast Ebusua Dwarfs, King Faisal, Dreams – all Ghana
FOOTBALL NONSENSE
“Goals dictate how matches go.”
Paul Merson
“The new season will be all about scoring more goals than the opposition.”
Alvin Martin
“A win would be better than a draw.”
Denis Law
“The best thing for them to do (Ireland) is to stay at 0-0 until they score the goal.”
Martin O’Neill
“We (England) haven’t been scoring goals, but football’s not just about scoring goals. It’s about winning.”
Alan Shearer
“If Villa got another goal now it would change the scoreline completely.”
Tony Cottee
“We can beat anyone on our day – so long as we score.”
Alex Totten
“I think if they hadn’t scored, we might have got a better result.”
Howard Wilkinson
“Winning all the time is not necessarily good.”
John Toshack
“Most goals are scored between the posts.”
Jamie Redknapp
“I don’t blame individuals, I blame myself.”
Joe Royle
“I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league.”
Mark Viduka
“The important thing is that he shook hands with us over the phone.”
Alan Ball
“Eighty per cent of teams who score first in matches go on to win them. But they may draw some – or occasionally lose.”
David Pleat
“Batistuta gets most of his goals with the ball”
Ian St John
“I can never predict my future because a big part of my future is already behind me.”
Guus Hiddink
“Bobby Gould thinks I’m trying to stab him in the back. In fact I’m right behind him.”
Stuart Pearson
“We actually got the winner three minutes from the end but then they equalized.”
Ian McNail
“I was disappointed to leave Spurs, but quite pleased that I did.”
Steve Perryman
“I’m as happy as I can be – but I have been happier.”
Ugo Ehiogu
“If you’re going to win the Premier League, you’re going to have to finish ahead of Chelsea and Manchester City.”
Graeme Souness
“And Arsenal now have plenty of time to dictate the last few seconds.”
Peter Jones
“That’s football, Mike, Northern Ireland have had several chances and haven’t scored but England have had no chances and scored twice.”
Trevor Brooking
“If you’re 0-0 down, there’s no one better to get you back on terms than Ian Wright.”
Robbie Earle
“We didn’t look like scoring, although we looked like we were going to get a goal.”
Alan Buckley
“Merseyside derbies usually last 90 minutes and I’m sure today’s won’t be any different.”
Trevor Brooking
“If there wasn’t such a thing as football we’d all be frustrated footballers.”
Mick Lyons
“Javier Chevanton don’t speak the language too good.”
Kevin Bond
“I’m not going to make it a target, but it’s something to aim for.”
Steve Coppell
“In football, if you don’t score a goal then you cannot win.”
Roberto Mancini
“As a striker, you are either in a purple patch or struggling. At the moment, I’m somewhere in between.”
Bob Taylor
“If you closed your eyes you couldn’t tell the difference between the two sides.”
Phil Brown
“I’ve only played for Watford, so I’m a one-man club.”
Lloyd Doyley
“You have got to miss them to score sometimes.”
Dave Bassett
“The more you lose, the more you don’t win.”
Alex McLeish
“He’d score more goals if he was a better finisher.”
Dion Dublin
“A game is not won until it is lost.”
David Pleat
“We were in an awkward position against Yugoslavia in that in order to win we needed to score more goals than they did.”
Jose Antonio Camacho
“No matter who our opponents are, or who we are playing against, we want to win the game.”
David Beckham
“I’m a firm believer that if the other side scores first, you have to score twice to win.”
Howard Wilkinson
“We lost because we didn’t win.”
Ronaldo
RON ATKINSON
“Woodcock would have scored but his shot was too perfect.”
“I would not say he (David Ginola) is the best left-winger in the Premiership, but there are none better.”
“He must be lightning slow.”
“It’s not as good as Adams’ challenge, but it’s on a par.”
“That’s not the type of header you want to see your defender make, with his hand.”
“I never comment on referees and I’m not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat.”
“You half fancied that to go in as it was rising and dipping at the same time.”
“You can see the ball go past them, or the man, but you’ll never see both man and ball go past at the same time. So if the ball goes past, the man won’t, or if the man goes past, they’ll take the ball.”
“Liverpool will think ‘we could have won this 2-2′”
“Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw”
“I would also think that the action replay showed it to be worse than it actually was.”
“I’m going to make a prediction – it could go either way.”
“Goals change games.”
“I think that was a moment of cool panic there.”
“Now Manchester United are 2-1 down on aggregate, they are in a better position than when they started the game at 1-1.”
“He dribbles a lot and the opposition don’t like it – you can see it all over their faces”
“Beckenbauer has really gambled all his eggs.”
“They’ve picked their heads up off the ground, and they now have a lot to carry on their shoulders.”
“Think of a number between 10 and 11.”
KEVIN KEEGAN
Kevin Keegan was a great player for various clubs, he also managed many teams and was a pundit. This means he had many opportunities to give us some class quotes. Here are a variety for your pleasure
‘I want more from David Beckham. I want him to improve on perfection.’
“He can’t talk Turkey, but you can tell he’s delighted.”
“Goalkeepers aren’t born today until they’re in their late twenties or thirties.”
“The ref was vertically 15 yards away.”
“The tide is very much in our court now.”
“Argentina are the second best team in the world and there is no higher praise that that.”
“At this level, if five or six players don’t turn up, you’ll get beat.”
“I know what is around the corner – I just don’t know where the corner is. But the onus is on us to perform and we must control the bandwagon.”
“The substitute is about to come on – he’s a player who was left out of the starting line-up today.”
“England have the best fans in the world and Scotland’s fans are second-to-none.”
“I’d love to be a mole on the wall in the Liverpool dressing room at half-time.”
“The good news for Nigeria is that they’re two-nil down very early in the game.”
“One of his strengths is not heading.”
“People will say that was typical City, which really annoys me. But that’s typical City I suppose.”
“Our current financial situation means that if we want to buy, we have to spend.”
“I came to Nantes two years ago and it’s much the same today, except that it’s completely different”
“I’ll never play at Wembley again, unless I play at Wembley again.”
“What disappointed me was that we didn’t play with any passion. I’m not disappointed, you know, I’m just disappointed.”
“We deserved to win this game after hammering them 0-0 in the first half.”
“The 33 or 34-year-olds will be 36 or 37 by the time the next World Cup comes around, if they’re not careful.”
“We managed to wrong a few rights.”
“You get bunches of players like you do bananas, though that is a bad comparison.”
“Not many teams will come to Arsenal and get anything, home or away.”
“You can’t do better than go away from home and get a draw.”
“They compare Steve McManaman to Steve Heighway and he’s nothing like him, but I can see why – it’s because he’s a bit different.”
“That decision, for me, was almost certainly definitely wrong.”
“There’s a slight doubt about only one player, and that’s Tony Adams, who definitely won’t be playing tomorrow.”
“I’ve had an interest in racing all my life, or longer really.”
“I’m not trying to make excuses for David Seaman but I think the lights may have been a problem.”
“That would have been a goal if it wasn’t saved.”
“Football is always easier when you’ve got the ball.”
“Nicolas Anelka left Arsenal for £23million and they built a training ground on him.”
“If I had a blank piece of paper there’d be five names on it.”
“Picking the team isn’t difficult, it’s who to leave out.”
“The game has gone rather scrappy as both sides realise they could win this match or lose it.”
“Luis Figo is totally different to David Beckham, and vice versa.”
“Gary always weighed up his options, especially when he had no choice.”
“In some ways, cramp is worse than having a broken leg.”
“I don’t think there’s anyone bigger or smaller than Maradona.”
“My father was a miner and he worked down a mine.”
“It was still moving when it hit the back of the net.”
MICHAEL OWEN
Lets look at some memorable quotes from Michael Owen, a deadly striker on the pitch and pretty deadly off it by the looks of these beauts.
You can’t beat a good ‘pulled off’ quote, so lets start with a double entendre
“Anichebe is just pulling off Jones, which is what I would do if I was him.”
“When they don’t score they hardly ever win.”
“He’s elbowed him in the head, but there’s nothing in it for me.”
“Jelavic would have scored that if he wasn’t offside.”
“It’s a good run, but it’s a poor run, if you know what I mean?”
“What a feeling it is to be a manager and bring someone on.”
“City will come out with a fresh set of impetus.”
“You can’t really grumble at the red card but it’s very harsh.”
“It’s definitely hit Defoe’s hand as it’s gone in, but it’s not a handball for me.”
“That’s simple as…simple.”
“Whichever teams scores more goals usually wins.”
“To stay in the game, you have to stay in the game.”
“Blackburn have got two strikers on and they’re both playing up front.”
“You need people who score goals. That’s how you win games.”
“I love these players with two feet.”
“It’s hit the facial part of his head.”
“That would have been a goal had it gone inside the post.”
“When the ball is that still, it’s wobbling in the air.”
“You’re on your own out there with ten mates.”
“You have to believe your own eyes, don’t you?”
“When the ball is that still, it’s wobbling in the air.”
BOBBY ROBSON
The great Bobby Robson, a long career as a manager and a few pieces of quote gold.
“We didn’t underestimate them – they were just a lot better than we thought.”
“We don’t want our players to be monks. We want them to be better football players because a monk doesn’t play football at this level.”
“They can’t change any of their players, but they can change one of their players, and he’s the coach.”
“We got nine and you can’t score more than that.”
“Football’s like a big market place and people go to the market every day to buy their vegetables.”
“Don’t ask me what a typical Brazilian is because I don’t know what a typical Brazilian is. But Romario was a typical Brazilian.”
“I’m not going to look beyond the semi-final, but I would love to lead Newcastle out in the final.”
“What can I say about Peter Shilton? Peter Shilton is Peter Shilton, and he has been Peter Shilton since the year dot.”
“We’re flying on Concorde. That’ll shorten the distance. That’s self-explanatory.”
“If you don’t score you are not going to win a match.”
“The first 90 minutes of the match are the most important.”
“There will be a game where somebody scores more than Brazil and that might be the game that they lose.”
“We can’t replace Gary Speed – where do you get an experienced player like him with a left foot and a head?”
“He’s very fast and if he gets a yard ahead of himself nobody will catch him.”
“When Gazza was dribbling he used to go through a minefield with his arm, a bit like you go through a supermarket.”
“He never fails to hit the target, but that was a miss.”
“If you count your chickens before they have hatched, they won’t lay an egg in the basket.”
“Yeading was a potential banana blip for Newcastle.”
“It wasn’t going to be our day on the night.”
“Alan Shearer has done very well for us, considering his age. We have introduced some movement into his game because he has got two good legs now. Last season he played with one leg.”
“Jermaine Jenas is a fit lad. He gets from box to box in all of 90 minutes.”
“I’d say he’s the best in Europe, if you put me on the fence.”
“Gary Speed has never played better, never looked fitter, never been older.”
“Maybe not goodbye, but farewell.”
“We haven’t scored which means you haven’t got a chance of winning.”
“We had ten times as many shots on target as Bolton – and they had none at all.”
“Paolo di Canio is capable of scoring the goal he scored.”
“I would have given my right arm to be a pianist.”
AT THE END OF THE DAY
“He’s one of the greatest players in the world, if not one of the greatest anywhere.”
Sky Andrew
“I never make forecasts but whoever wins that game will win the final.”
Ken Bates
“I didn’t say them things that I said.”
Glenn Hoddle
“Football’s not like an electric light – you can’t just flick the button and change from slow to quick.”
John Greig
“The Champions League semi-final is over two legs, so it will be a one-off affair.”
Graham Beecroft
“With Harry, two plus two always makes five, not three.”
Milan Mandaric
“Aston Villa are seventh in the league. That’s almost as high as you can get without being one of the top six.”
Ian Payne
“Ireland will give 99% – everything they’ve got.”
Mark Lawrenson
“One accusation you can’t throw at me is that I’ve always done my best.”
Alan Shearer
“The unthinkable is not something we are thinking about at the moment.”
Peter Kenyon
“A tremendous strike which hit the defender full on the arm – and it nearly came off.”
Kevin Keegan
“I’d settle for a 1-0 draw.”
David Gold
“Every single player on the pitch is now in the Birmingham box, apart from two of them.”
Paul Merson
“I promise results, not promises.”
John Bond
“Ozil could find the needle in a haystack with his sense of smell.”
Ray Hudson
“You don’t score 64 goals in 86 games at the highest level without being able to score goals.”
ALAN GREEN
“You’ve got to believe that you’re going to win, and I believe we’ll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we’re knocked out.”
Peter Shilton
“He’s pulling him off! The Spanish manager is pulling his captain off!”
George Hamilton
“I’ve always said there’s a place for the press, but they haven’t dug it yet”
Tommy Docherty.
“The only mates he had in all his time at Liverpool were straight out of the vending machine”
Tommy Smith on Emlyn Hughes
“A million wouldn’t buy him, and I’d be one of them.”
Bill Shankley
“The symbol of peace…the pigeon!”
Jimmy Magee
“I used to go missing a lot – Miss Canada, Miss United Kingdom, Miss Germany…”
George Best.
“In terms of the Richter Scale this defeat was a force eight gale.”
John Lyall
The crowd think that Todd handled the ball…. they must have seen something that nobody else did”
Barry Davies
“….and the news from Guadalajara where the temperature is 96 degrees, is that Falcao is warming up.”
Brian Moore
“Johnston has revelled in the hole behind Dwight Yorke”
Carling FA Premiership website
“Mark Hughes at his very best, he loves to feel people right behind him”
Kevin Keegan
“Tell the Kraut to get his ass up front. We don’t pay a million for a guy to hang around in defense”
New York Cosmos executive, on Beckenbauer’s positioning.
“I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered”
George Best
“That’s great, tell him he’s Pele and get him back on”
John Lambie, when told a concussed striker did not know who he was.
“Fulham Football Club seeks a Manager / Genius”
Newspaper ad, 1991
“Ardiles strokes the ball like it was part of his anatomy”
Jimmy Magee, RTE WC commentator
“We’ll still be happy to lose, it’s on at the same time as the Beer Festival”
Niall O’Mahoney, Cork City Manager before a UEFA game with Bayern Munich.
“There’s the African defender doing the spadework for his team-mates.”
John Motson
FOOTBALL DRIVEL
“Unless the chairman decides to sack me, I won’t be quitting.”
Carlton Palmer
“Robbie Keane’s not the second choice, he’s my first choice. But Jermain Defoe is as well.”
Martin Jol
“Hopefully Andy Carroll has only tweeted his hamstring.”
Sam Allardyce
“What I said to them at half time would be unprintable on the radio.”
Gerry Francis
“You can’t say my team aren’t winners. They’ve proved that by finishing fourth, third and second in the past three seasons.”
Gerard Houllier
“We had enough chances to win the game. In fact we did win it.”
Alex Smith
“If you want change, you’ve got to stick with it.”
Terry Venables
“If we played like that every week, we wouldn’t be so inconsistent.”
Bryan Robson
“There are 0-0 draws and 0-0 draws, and this was a 0-0 draw.”
John Sillett
“That was a continuance of what we have seen most of the season – that is, various clubs beating each other.”
Ron Noades
“We had two shots saved off the line by the post.”
Craig Brown
“I don’t want to compare Bowditch to Matt Le Tissier, but the way he scored his goal was similar to Matt.”
Joe Royle
“If history is going to repeat itself I should think we can expect the same thing again.”
Terry Venables
“Some of their players are internationals; some play for their national team.”
Steve McClaren
“In terms of the Richter scale this defeat was a force 8 gale.”
John Lyall
“There was nothing wrong with the performance, apart from throwing away the game.”
Glenn Hoddle
“I was feeling as sick as the proverbial donkey.”
Mick McCarthy
“What I saw in Holland and Germany was that the majority of people are Dutch in Holland and German in Germany.”
Peter Taylor
“We must have had 99 per cent of the match. It was the other three per cent that cost us.”
Ruud Gullitt
“I’d never allow myself to let myself call myself a coward.”
Graham Taylor
“The Merseyside derby games are unique in the city.”
Brendan Rodgers
“Apart from their goals, Norway haven’t scored.”
Terry Venables
“I can count on the fingers of one hand ten games where we’ve caused our own downfall.”
Joe Kinnear
“The lad got over-excited when he saw the whites of the goalpost’s eyes.”
Steve Coppell
“I was a young lad when I was growing up.”
David O’Leary
“I just wonder what would have happened if the shirt had been on the other foot.”
Mike Walker
“I’m not a believer in luck, but I do believe you need it.”
Alan Ball
“And I honestly believe we can go all the way to Wembley – unless somebody knocks us out.”
Dave Bassett
“Without picking out anyone in particular. I thought Mark Wright was tremendous.”
Graeme Souness
“I don’t want to give Robbie Blake any praise, but he was superb.”
Steve Cotterill
“If it stays as it is I can’t see it altering.”
Graham Taylor
“As with every young player these days, Ronaldo is 18.”
Alex Ferguson
“Playing with wingers is more effective against European sides like Brazil than English sides like Wales.”
Ron Greenwood
“Today was about our lack of ability to not produce the ability we’ve got.”
Sam Allardyce
“Doncaster will hit Villa with fire and broomstick.”
John Gregory
“At this stage of the season I just tell the players to get points under their bags.”
George Graham
“He (Michael Owen) is a good goalscorer, not a natural born one – not yet. That takes time.”
Glenn Hoddle
“As one door closes, another one shuts.”
Howard Wilkinson
“I felt a lump in my throat as the ball went in.”
Terry Venables
“When you are 4-0 up you should never lose 7-1.”
Lawrie McMenemy
“The lads really ran their socks into the ground.”
Alex Ferguson
FOOTBALL GOBBLEDYGOOK
“His return gives England another key to its bow.”
Stuart Pearce
“All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed.”
Mitchell Thomas
“As positive as Arsenal were, I thought they were quite negative.”
Peter Reid
“If you need just a first eleven and four others, why did Columbus sail to India to discover America?”
Claudio Ranieri
“Michael Owen will get double figures this season – or at least 10, possibly more.”
Garth Crooks
“I think the next United manager is already at the club. It could be either Ryan Giggs or Ole Gunnar Solksjaer, who isn’t at the club.”
Mickey Gray
“The problem at Wimbledon seems to be that the club has suffered a loss of complacency.”
Joe Kinnear
“Lampard fired straight through the middle of a non-existent wall.”
Paul McKenna
“Everton have a healthy list of injuries.”
Michael Owen
“To be a good player in the Premiership you have to perform on the pitch, as it is everywhere.”
Kanu
“Tony Fernandes is in that goldfish bowl and he’s swimming against the tide.”
Niall Quinn
“The ball was coming down like a butterfly with sore feet.”
Jamie Redknapp
“Without being too harsh on David, he cost us the match.”
Ian Wright
“They didn’t change positions, they just moved the players around.”
Terry Venables
“Bolton have won just three of their last two games”.
Ian Abrahams
“We had already beaten them 4-0 and 7-0 earlier this season, so we knew we were in for a really tough game today.”
Barry Ferguson
“It’s 0-0 here. No goals.”
Adrian Chiles
“Michael Owen is irreplaceable, but Sven has Emile Heskey, James Beattie, Wayne Rooney and Darius Vassell and whoever he picks can do the job.”
David Platt
“Bristol Rovers were 4-0 up at half time, with four goals in the first half.”
Tony Adams
“Hodge scored for Forest after 22 seconds – totally against the run of play.”
Peter Lorenzo
“Manchester United are substituting Blomqvist for Giggs just to bring more legs into the game.”
Tony Gale
“He’s got a knock on his shin there, just above the knee.”
Frank Stapleton
“Footballers are no different from human beings.”
Graham Taylor
“Yes, he is not unused to playing in midfield, but at the same time he’s not used to playing there either.”
Emlyn Hughes
“We actually got the winner three minutes from the end but then they equalized.”
Ian McNail
“I want to win the Nobel Peace Prize – and I’m going to fight as hard as I can to make it happen.”
Ronaldo
“The underdogs will start favourites for this match.”
Craig Brown
“It would be foolish to believe that automatic promotion is automatic in any way whatsoever.”
Dave Bassett
“That was a inch perfect pass to no one.”
Ray Wilkins
“No regrets, none at all. My only regret is that we went out on penalties. That’s my only regret but no, no regrets.”
Mick McCarthy
“Mario Balotelli is like Marmite – you either love him or hate him. Me, I’m in between
Joe Royle
“At 6 foot 7 Peter Crouch isn’t as tall as he looks.”
Gabby Logan
“He’s not a lad that likes to stand on his feet.”
Chris Waddle
“Neil Baker is standing on the touchline with hands in tracksuit bottoms scratching his head.”
Graham McGarry
“We don’t have any problems, apart from the problems we have.”
Rafa Benitez
“This is the better one. It’s identical.”
Alan Shearer
“Liverpool have now really got to win two away – one in Barcelona, the other at home to Roma.”
Bob Wilson
“Bobby Robson must be thinking of throwing some fresh legs on.”
Kevin Keegan
“He just got his body between himself and the goal.”
Ray Clemence
“Keith Gillespie just lacks a little bit of inconsistency.”
Graeme Le Saux
“The 2,000 away fans will be unhappy. In fact half of them have gone, there’s only 500 left.”
Chris Waddle
“The possession stats at one point were 77% to 33%.”
Mick Quinn
“There’s only one place you want to be and that’s Wembley, Old Trafford or Anfield.”
Mick Channon
“He went in with his shuds stowing.”
Gary Neville
“The tackles are coming in thick and thin now.”
Alan Brazil
“I don’t want to be either partial or impartial.”
Frank McLintock
“Ramires is involved in everything he does.”
Graeme Le Saux
“Reading just had a great five-man move that involved everyone.”
Phil Thompson
“One thing about Germany – they’ll be organised, they’ll be big and they’ll be strong.”
Ally McCoist
“The game is in a neutral country for both teams.”
David Beckham
“Mirandinha will have more shots this afternoon than both sides put together.”
Malcolm Macdonald
“If Glenn Hoddle had been any other nationality, he would have had 70 or 80 caps for England.”
John Barnes
“I wouldn’t be surprised if this game went all the way to the finish.”
Ian St John
“The first half was end-to-end stuff. In contrast, in this second half it’s been one end to the other.”
Lou Macari
“If Arsenal don’t finish third, they might not finish in third place.”
Alvin Martin
“When England go to Turkey there could be fatalities – or even worse, injuries.”
Phil Neal
“Shaun Wright-Phillips has got a big heart. It’s as big as him, which isn’t very big, but it’s bigger.”
Kevin Keegan
“Lampard picks his head up and knocks it out to the wing.”
Alan Shearer
“He is an interesting player – short back legs.”
David Pleat
“That’s twice he (Terry Phelan) has got between himself and the goal.”
Brian Marwood
“Celtic manager Davie Hay still has a fresh pair of legs up his sleeve.”
John Greig
“I don’t want Rooney to leave these shores but if he does, I think he’ll go abroad.”
Ian Wright
“They were numerically outnumbered.”
Garry Birtles
“The game is not over until it is.”
Dwight Yorke
“To be second with one game to go – you can’t ask for more.”
Stuart McCall
“Sometimes he does the brilliant things really well.”
Lee Sharpe
“Players prefer the FA Cup because it’s the end of season curtain-raiser.”
Peter Withe
“Great striking partnerships come in pairs.”
Nigel Spackman
“There was nothing wrong with his timing, he was just a bit late.”
Mark Bright
“If you gave Arsene Wenger eleven players and told him to pick his team, this would be it.”
Andy Gray
“Sometimes in football you have to score goals.”
Thierry Henry
“He has got his tactics wrong tactically.”
Mick Quinn
“He reminds me of a completely different version of Robbie Earle.”
Mark Lawrenson
“I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock.”
Barry Venison
“Fulham haven’t had a shot on target, which is probably why they aren’t in the goals.”
Tony Cottee
“Anyone who takes drugs should be hammered.”
Andy Gray
“I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel.”
Stuart Pearce
“All the cul-de-sacs are closed for Scotland.”
Joe Jordan
“There are rumours of fractions within the Palace dressing room.”
Shaun Derry
“Pardew has got previous for this kind of thing – but that was a one-off.”
David Speedie
“He’s carrying his left leg, which, to be honest, is his only leg.”
Steve Coppell
“Unfortunately, we keep kicking ourselves in the foot.”
Ray Wilkins
“You can see the relief on Falcao’s shoulders.”
Michael Gray
“Steve McManaman once described Zinedine Zidane as ridiculous. You can’t get a higher compliment than that.”
Jason McAteer
“If someone in the crowd spits at you, you have just got to swallow it.”
Gary Lineker
“Burton really couldn’t lose tonight – but they have.”
Ian Wright
“Manchester United could only beat Exeter 2-0 – and it was just 1-0 at one point.”
Alan Brazil
“He had defenders swarming around him like a wet blanket.”
Gerry Armstrong
“Steve Bruce is like a cat on hot tin bricks.”
Alvin Martin
“Arsenal are streets ahead of everyone in this league and Manchester United are up there with them.”
Craig Bellamy
“Stokes gets a straight yellow for that challenge.”
Ronnie Whelan
“Mark Hughes crossed every I and dotted every T.”
Robbie Savage
“The world is my lobster.”
Keith O’Neill
“It looks tough for Palace when you see some of the results they’ve got coming up.”
Shaun Derry
“He’s started anticipating what’s going to happen before it’s even happened.”
Graeme Le Saux
“That kind of ball is meat and two drink for the Palace defence.”
Denis Irwin
“I won’t name any names but I’ll name just one, David Dein.”
Niall Quinn
“Clint Dempsey scored a last-minute winner to earn Tottenham a 1-1 draw against United.”
Alan Brazil
“I think Southampton will finish above teams that are well below them.”
Paul Merson
“The Croatians don’t play well without the ball.”
Barry Venison
“Both sides have scored a couple of goals, and both sides have conceded a couple of goals.”
Peter Withe
“Bayern will have the added advantage of playing in their home stadium. That’s like a home game for them.”
Paul Elliott
“I was saying the other day, how often the most vulnerable area for goalies is between their legs.”
Andy Gray
“If you can get through the first round you have a good chance of getting into the next one.”
Nigel Worthington
“He’d score more goals if he was a better finisher.”
Dion Dublin
“Sheffield United are attacking their own fans.”
Matt Murray
“With 8 or 10 minutes to go, we were able to bring Nicky Butt back and give him 15 to 20 minutes.”
Niall Quinn
“And we all know that in football if you stand still you go backwards.”
Peter Reid
“He could have done one of three things. He didn’t do either.”
Gordon Strachan
“It seems that they’re playing with one leg tied together.
Kenny Sansom
“Pitches today are like snooker carpets.”
Mick Quinn
“Suarez will improve and he will get better.”
Jamie Redknapp
“I’ve been consistent in patches this season.”
Theo Walcott
“Last night we were the best team on the day.”
Roy Aitken
“Ji-Sung Park is probably not as young as he was when he arrived at Old Trafford all those years ago.”
Ray Houghton
“He’s been like a fresh of breath air.”
Roy Keane
“The thing about goalscorers is that they score goals.”
Tony Cottee
“It’s now much more 50-50 in favour of Everton.”
Iain Dowie
FOOTBALL CRAZY
“Martin Jol has put his hands on his heads.”
Ray Parlour
“Not to win is guttering.”
Mark Noble
“Germany are a very difficult team to play – they had eleven internationals out there today.”
Steve Lomas
“Because of the booking I will miss the Holland game – if selected.”
Paul Gascoigne
“Once you’ve got a bull terrier, you never want another dog. I’ve got six bull terriers, a rottweiler and a bulldog.”
Julian Dicks
“The Brazilians were South America, and the Ukranians will be more European.”
Phil Neville
“West Ham play a speficic type of game – football.”
Artur Boruc
“For Tony Adams to confess his alcoholism like that took a lot of bottle.”
Ian Wright
“Every single player on the pitch is now in the Birmingham box, apart from two of them.”
Paul Merson
“We had a word with him about diving and since then the lad’s come on leaps and bounds.”
Billy Dodds
“For Tony Adams to confess his alcoholism like that took a lot of bottle.”
Ian Wright
“That’s put a strain on his left-hand knee.”
John Scales
“He’s signalling to the bench with his groin.”
Mark Bright
“It all went a bit grape-shaped.”
Jason McAteer
“I couldn’t settle in Italy – it was like living in a foreign country.”
Ian Rush on his spell at Juventus
“The Gillingham players have slumped to their feet.”
Mick Quinn
“Who will win the League? It’s a toss of a coin between three of them.”
Matt le Tissier
“I’d like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona”
Mark Draper
“We’ll not give up even if we’re 12 points behind with one game left.”
Joe Hart
“I can learn as much from Darius Vassell as he can from me – but he can learn more”
Andrew Cole
“My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7.”
David Beckham
“The manager could not even talk to us at the interval. He said we were bad.”
John Terry
“Sandro’s holding is face. You can tell from that it’s a knee injury.”
Dion Dublin
“We’re at the top of the cliff and we can either fall off the edge or keep climbing.”
Gary Neville
“It was six of a half and one dozen of the other.”
Danny Higginbotham
“I took a whack on my left ankle, but something told me it was my right.”
Lee Hendrie
“I’d been ill and hadn’t trained for a week and I’d been out of the team for three weeks before that, so I wasn’t sharp. I got cramp before half-time as well. But I’m not one to make excuses.”
Clinton Morrison
“I will be writing to the relevant authorities to complain, but I’m wasting my breath.”
Joe Royle
“Cole should be scoring from those distances, but I’m not going to single him out.”
Alex Ferguson
“If you can’t stand the heat in the dressing-room, get out of the kitchen”
Terry Venables
“I spent four indifferent years at Goodison, but they were great years.”
Martin Hodge
“I’ve had 14 bookings this season, 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable.”
Paul Gascoigne
“The problem is not what we are doing badly, it is because we are not doing things well.”
Patrick Evra
“It’s nice for us to have a fresh face in the camp to bounce things off.”
Lawrie Sanchez
“If I was still at Ipswich, I wouldn’t be where I am today.”
Dalian Atkinson
“Ally McCoist will always get you a goal, whether he’s playing or on the bench.”
Mark Hateley
“I don’t know why we aren’t scoring as we’re keeping clean sheets.”
Edwin van der Sar
“Northern Ireland are ten minutes away from their finest victory. There’s 15 minutes to go here.”
John Motson
FOOTBALL WAFFLE
“I’d like to have seen Tony Morley left on as a down-and-out winger.”
Jimmy Armfield
“He’s caused the Chelsea defence no amount of problems.”
Jimmy Armfield
“Barnsley have started off the way they mean to begin.”
Chris Kamara
“That was only a yard away from being an inch-perfect pass.”
Murdo MacLeod
“Lampard’s not the first player to run to the crowd with lips over his mouth.”
Adrian Chiles
“That’s Steve Howey’s third-ever League goal and he’s never scored more than two in a season before.”
Jeff Stelling
“I predicted in August that Celtic would reach the final. On the eve of that final I stand by that prediction.”
Archie Macpherson
“He didn’t try to take the net off its hinges with that header.”
Andy Townsend
“John Bond has brought in a young left-sided midfield player, who I guess will play on the left side of midfield.”
Jimmy Armfield
“If Glenn Hoddle said one word to his team at half-time, it was concentration and focus.”
Ron Atkinson
“Well, Clive, it’s all about the two Ms – movement and positioning.”
Ron Atkinson
“Women’s football does have its knockers.”
Adrian Durham
“Julian Dicks is everywhere. It’s like they’ve got eleven Dicks on the field.”
Radio commentator
“If you were in the Brondby dressing room right now, which of the Liverpool players would you be looking at?”
Ray Stubbs
“Michael Owen to Newcastle is the biggest transfer of the season so far – and it will be until there’s a bigger one.”
Jim White
“Ireland have won a corner, and it’s in a very good position.”
RTE commentator
“If you cut Jamie Carragher open, he’ll bleed red.”
Clive Tyldesley
“There’s always been a fierce rivalry between Spurs and Tottenham.”
David Pleat
“That could have been his second yellow card – if he’d already got his first one of course”
Trevor Brooking
“They (Rosenborg) have won 66 games, and they’ve scored in all of them.”
Brian Moore
“The match will be shown on Match of the Day later this evening and if you don’t want to know the result look away now as we show you Tony Adams lifting the cup for Arsenal.”
Steve Rider
“Tottenham are trying tonight to become the first London team to win this Cup. The last team to do so was the 1973 Spurs side.”
Mike Ingham
“That’s a yellow card for Cazoria. So the next time he’s involved in Europe, he won’t be.”
George Hamilton
“Scoring three away from home – you can’t do better than that.”
Ray Stubbs
“And there’s Ray Clemence looking as cool as ever out in the cold.”
Jimmy Hill
“And the news from Guadalajara where the temperature is 96 degrees, is that Falcao is warming up.”
Brian Moore
“Souness gave Fleck a second chance and he grabbed it with both feet.”
James Sanderson
“What makes this game so delightful is that when both teams get the ball they are attacking their opponents goal.”
Jimmy Hill
“Liverpool have lost their last two – and they conceded in both games.”
Radio commentator
“Ogrizovic was in two minds as to whether to go or stay and in the end he did neither.”
Radio commentator
“Their away record is instantly forgettable. The 5-1 defeat and 7-0 defeat spring to mind.”
Radio commentator
“Chris Porter scored his first league goal last week, and he’s done the same this week.”
Jeff Stelling
“He’ll probably wake up having sleepless nights about that one.”
Alan Parry
“Dumbarton player Steve McCahill has limped off with a badly cut forehead.”
Tom Ferrie
“He says that he will walk away from the game when his legs go.”
Radio Commentator
“Henning Berg, one of the players classified as a foreigner, which obviously as a Norwegian is something he’s used to.”
Radio commentator
“You need at least eight or nine men in a ten-man wall.”
Mark Lawrenson
“It’s a lot harder to play football when you haven’t got the ball.”
Andy Gray
“Yes, six inches either side of the post and that would have been a goal.”
Radio commentator
“Chesterfield 1 – Chester 1. Another score draw there in that local derby.”
Des Lynam
“It’s 1-1, an exact reversal of the score on Saturday.”
Radio 5 Live commentator
“We’ll have more football later. Meanwhile, here are the highlights from the Scottish Cup final.”
Gary Newbon
“The Belgians will play like their fellow Scandinavians, Denmark and Sweden.”
Andy Townsend
“I’m sure Spurs will get another opportunity, hopefully before the final whistle.
Steve Claridge
“The Baggio brothers, of course, are not related.”
RTE commentator
“And here goes Aguero, looking to relieve himself.”
Mike Ingham
“And Brighton have beaten Southampton 4-2 which is exactly the same result as last year when they won 3-1”
Des Lynam
“Chris Waddle is off the pitch at the moment – exactly the position he is at his most menacing.”
Gerald Sinstadt
“Michael Owen – he’s got the legs of a salmon.”
Sky TV commentator
“Viv Anderson has pissed a fatness test.”
John Helm
“That was the perfect penalty – apart from he missed it.”
Rob McCaffrey
“Samuel Eto’o is reputedly the highest-paid player in the world at £350,000 per week – that’s £5,000 a day.”
Clive Tyldesley
“And some 500 Italians made the trip, in a crowd of only 400.”
Radio Commentator
“Someone in the England team will have to grab the ball by the horns.”
Ron Atkinson
“I have seen players sent off for far worse offences than that.”
Alan Brazil3
“So, this movie you star in, The Life Story of George Best, tell us what it’s about.”
Sky Sports commentator
“Lampard, as usual, arrived in the nick of time, but it wasn’t quite soon enough.”
Alan Parry
“Phil Dowd checks his whistle and blows his watch.”
Alan Green
“Roy Keane going to Celtic would be a case of out of the goldfish bowl, into the fire.”
Radio commentator
“Owen scores and breaks Lineker’s competitive scoring record. Although this being a friendly it doesn’t actual count, so he hasn’t quite done it yet.”
John Motson
“The header was cleared off the line by the crossbar.”
Simon Brotherton
“Ruud Gullit was able to impose his multi-lingual skills on this match.”
John Motson
“There’s such a fine line between defeat and losing.”
Gary Newbon
“There’s a certain amount of one-way shirt swapping going on.”
Adrian Chiles
“Four minutes to go…..four long minutes….360 seconds.”
Alistair Alexander
“It’s winner takes all, but a draw will do.”
Mark Saggers
“All of West Ham’s away victories have come on opponents’ territory this season.”
Marcus Buckland
“Villa will probably play a lot worse than this and lose.”
Alan Parry
“Well, Harry, fifth place last year, how can you better that?”
Fergus Sweeney
“For those of you watching in black and white, Spurs are in the all-yellow strip.”
John Motson
Brentford scored a last-minute winner four minutes from time.”
Jeff Stelling
“What do you think of Manchester United’s three Rs – Rooney, Ronaldo and van Nistelrooy?”
Rob McCaffrey
“….and so they have not been able to improve their 100% record.”
Radio Commentator
“The game is balanced in Arsenal’s favour.”
John Motson
“Real’s second goal made it 3-0.”
Des Lynam
“And Seaman, just like a falling oak, manages to change direction.”
John Motson
“And now the goals from Carrow Road, where the game finished 0-0.”
Elton Welsby