FOOTBALL CRAZY
“Martin Jol has put his hands on his heads.”
Ray Parlour
“Not to win is guttering.”
Mark Noble
“Germany are a very difficult team to play – they had eleven internationals out there today.”
Steve Lomas
“Because of the booking I will miss the Holland game – if selected.”
Paul Gascoigne
“Once you’ve got a bull terrier, you never want another dog. I’ve got six bull terriers, a rottweiler and a bulldog.”
Julian Dicks
“The Brazilians were South America, and the Ukranians will be more European.”
Phil Neville
“West Ham play a speficic type of game – football.”
Artur Boruc
“For Tony Adams to confess his alcoholism like that took a lot of bottle.”
Ian Wright
“Every single player on the pitch is now in the Birmingham box, apart from two of them.”
Paul Merson
“We had a word with him about diving and since then the lad’s come on leaps and bounds.”
Billy Dodds
“For Tony Adams to confess his alcoholism like that took a lot of bottle.”
Ian Wright
“That’s put a strain on his left-hand knee.”
John Scales
“He’s signalling to the bench with his groin.”
Mark Bright
“It all went a bit grape-shaped.”
Jason McAteer
“I couldn’t settle in Italy – it was like living in a foreign country.”
Ian Rush on his spell at Juventus
“The Gillingham players have slumped to their feet.”
Mick Quinn
“Who will win the League? It’s a toss of a coin between three of them.”
Matt le Tissier
“I’d like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona”
Mark Draper
“We’ll not give up even if we’re 12 points behind with one game left.”
Joe Hart
“I can learn as much from Darius Vassell as he can from me – but he can learn more”
Andrew Cole
“My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7.”
David Beckham
“The manager could not even talk to us at the interval. He said we were bad.”
John Terry
“Sandro’s holding is face. You can tell from that it’s a knee injury.”
Dion Dublin
“We’re at the top of the cliff and we can either fall off the edge or keep climbing.”
Gary Neville
“It was six of a half and one dozen of the other.”
Danny Higginbotham
“I took a whack on my left ankle, but something told me it was my right.”
Lee Hendrie
“I’d been ill and hadn’t trained for a week and I’d been out of the team for three weeks before that, so I wasn’t sharp. I got cramp before half-time as well. But I’m not one to make excuses.”
Clinton Morrison
“I will be writing to the relevant authorities to complain, but I’m wasting my breath.”
Joe Royle
“Cole should be scoring from those distances, but I’m not going to single him out.”
Alex Ferguson
“If you can’t stand the heat in the dressing-room, get out of the kitchen”
Terry Venables
“I spent four indifferent years at Goodison, but they were great years.”
Martin Hodge
“I’ve had 14 bookings this season, 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable.”
Paul Gascoigne
“The problem is not what we are doing badly, it is because we are not doing things well.”
Patrick Evra
“It’s nice for us to have a fresh face in the camp to bounce things off.”
Lawrie Sanchez
“If I was still at Ipswich, I wouldn’t be where I am today.”
Dalian Atkinson
“Ally McCoist will always get you a goal, whether he’s playing or on the bench.”
Mark Hateley
“I don’t know why we aren’t scoring as we’re keeping clean sheets.”
Edwin van der Sar
“Northern Ireland are ten minutes away from their finest victory. There’s 15 minutes to go here.”
John Motson
FOOTBALL WAFFLE
“I’d like to have seen Tony Morley left on as a down-and-out winger.”
Jimmy Armfield
“He’s caused the Chelsea defence no amount of problems.”
Jimmy Armfield
“Barnsley have started off the way they mean to begin.”
Chris Kamara
“That was only a yard away from being an inch-perfect pass.”
Murdo MacLeod
“Lampard’s not the first player to run to the crowd with lips over his mouth.”
Adrian Chiles
“That’s Steve Howey’s third-ever League goal and he’s never scored more than two in a season before.”
Jeff Stelling
“I predicted in August that Celtic would reach the final. On the eve of that final I stand by that prediction.”
Archie Macpherson
“He didn’t try to take the net off its hinges with that header.”
Andy Townsend
“John Bond has brought in a young left-sided midfield player, who I guess will play on the left side of midfield.”
Jimmy Armfield
“If Glenn Hoddle said one word to his team at half-time, it was concentration and focus.”
Ron Atkinson
“Well, Clive, it’s all about the two Ms – movement and positioning.”
Ron Atkinson
“Women’s football does have its knockers.”
Adrian Durham
“Julian Dicks is everywhere. It’s like they’ve got eleven Dicks on the field.”
Radio commentator
“If you were in the Brondby dressing room right now, which of the Liverpool players would you be looking at?”
Ray Stubbs
“Michael Owen to Newcastle is the biggest transfer of the season so far – and it will be until there’s a bigger one.”
Jim White
“Ireland have won a corner, and it’s in a very good position.”
RTE commentator
“If you cut Jamie Carragher open, he’ll bleed red.”
Clive Tyldesley
“There’s always been a fierce rivalry between Spurs and Tottenham.”
David Pleat
“That could have been his second yellow card – if he’d already got his first one of course”
Trevor Brooking
“They (Rosenborg) have won 66 games, and they’ve scored in all of them.”
Brian Moore
“The match will be shown on Match of the Day later this evening and if you don’t want to know the result look away now as we show you Tony Adams lifting the cup for Arsenal.”
Steve Rider
“Tottenham are trying tonight to become the first London team to win this Cup. The last team to do so was the 1973 Spurs side.”
Mike Ingham
“That’s a yellow card for Cazoria. So the next time he’s involved in Europe, he won’t be.”
George Hamilton
“Scoring three away from home – you can’t do better than that.”
Ray Stubbs
“And there’s Ray Clemence looking as cool as ever out in the cold.”
Jimmy Hill
“And the news from Guadalajara where the temperature is 96 degrees, is that Falcao is warming up.”
Brian Moore
“Souness gave Fleck a second chance and he grabbed it with both feet.”
James Sanderson
“What makes this game so delightful is that when both teams get the ball they are attacking their opponents goal.”
Jimmy Hill
“Liverpool have lost their last two – and they conceded in both games.”
Radio commentator
“Ogrizovic was in two minds as to whether to go or stay and in the end he did neither.”
Radio commentator
“Their away record is instantly forgettable. The 5-1 defeat and 7-0 defeat spring to mind.”
Radio commentator
“Chris Porter scored his first league goal last week, and he’s done the same this week.”
Jeff Stelling
“He’ll probably wake up having sleepless nights about that one.”
Alan Parry
“Dumbarton player Steve McCahill has limped off with a badly cut forehead.”
Tom Ferrie
“He says that he will walk away from the game when his legs go.”
Radio Commentator
“Henning Berg, one of the players classified as a foreigner, which obviously as a Norwegian is something he’s used to.”
Radio commentator
“You need at least eight or nine men in a ten-man wall.”
Mark Lawrenson
“It’s a lot harder to play football when you haven’t got the ball.”
Andy Gray
“Yes, six inches either side of the post and that would have been a goal.”
Radio commentator
“Chesterfield 1 – Chester 1. Another score draw there in that local derby.”
Des Lynam
“It’s 1-1, an exact reversal of the score on Saturday.”
Radio 5 Live commentator
“We’ll have more football later. Meanwhile, here are the highlights from the Scottish Cup final.”
Gary Newbon
“The Belgians will play like their fellow Scandinavians, Denmark and Sweden.”
Andy Townsend
“I’m sure Spurs will get another opportunity, hopefully before the final whistle.
Steve Claridge
“The Baggio brothers, of course, are not related.”
RTE commentator
“And here goes Aguero, looking to relieve himself.”
Mike Ingham
“And Brighton have beaten Southampton 4-2 which is exactly the same result as last year when they won 3-1”
Des Lynam
“Chris Waddle is off the pitch at the moment – exactly the position he is at his most menacing.”
Gerald Sinstadt
“Michael Owen – he’s got the legs of a salmon.”
Sky TV commentator
“Viv Anderson has pissed a fatness test.”
John Helm
“That was the perfect penalty – apart from he missed it.”
Rob McCaffrey
“Samuel Eto’o is reputedly the highest-paid player in the world at £350,000 per week – that’s £5,000 a day.”
Clive Tyldesley
“And some 500 Italians made the trip, in a crowd of only 400.”
Radio Commentator
“Someone in the England team will have to grab the ball by the horns.”
Ron Atkinson
“I have seen players sent off for far worse offences than that.”
Alan Brazil3
“So, this movie you star in, The Life Story of George Best, tell us what it’s about.”
Sky Sports commentator
“Lampard, as usual, arrived in the nick of time, but it wasn’t quite soon enough.”
Alan Parry
“Phil Dowd checks his whistle and blows his watch.”
Alan Green
“Roy Keane going to Celtic would be a case of out of the goldfish bowl, into the fire.”
Radio commentator
“Owen scores and breaks Lineker’s competitive scoring record. Although this being a friendly it doesn’t actual count, so he hasn’t quite done it yet.”
John Motson
“The header was cleared off the line by the crossbar.”
Simon Brotherton
“Ruud Gullit was able to impose his multi-lingual skills on this match.”
John Motson
“There’s such a fine line between defeat and losing.”
Gary Newbon
“There’s a certain amount of one-way shirt swapping going on.”
Adrian Chiles
“Four minutes to go…..four long minutes….360 seconds.”
Alistair Alexander
“It’s winner takes all, but a draw will do.”
Mark Saggers
“All of West Ham’s away victories have come on opponents’ territory this season.”
Marcus Buckland
“Villa will probably play a lot worse than this and lose.”
Alan Parry
“Well, Harry, fifth place last year, how can you better that?”
Fergus Sweeney
“For those of you watching in black and white, Spurs are in the all-yellow strip.”
John Motson
Brentford scored a last-minute winner four minutes from time.”
Jeff Stelling
“What do you think of Manchester United’s three Rs – Rooney, Ronaldo and van Nistelrooy?”
Rob McCaffrey
“….and so they have not been able to improve their 100% record.”
Radio Commentator
“The game is balanced in Arsenal’s favour.”
John Motson
“Real’s second goal made it 3-0.”
Des Lynam
“And Seaman, just like a falling oak, manages to change direction.”
John Motson
“And now the goals from Carrow Road, where the game finished 0-0.”
Elton Welsby
